I am 20088 days old today

Today I am 20088 days old (55 years old)!! Phew, I just realized that I have been living so long. I am not sure at this moment when I am typing this, what I am supposed to do or how I am supposed to behave when I am 55 years old. After all birthdays are only numbers in my life and I have always believed that age is a state of mind. I am too old to be called middle age and too young to be called senior citizen!! I feel like a 19 year old who is too old to be called a kid and too young to be called a grown up. A friend said when she turned 55, she looked for a doctor to inject Botox on her face and neck and spent about $2800 for that day and till today every 4 months she spends that money! I am not going to do that. I spent extra time in the last few days, looking at my face on the mirror. Have I aged? Yes. I have aged but I liked what I saw on the mirror. It was a peaceful face unlike the many ladies I see on the street. Peace means contentment and happiness. Am I happy and contented? I am.


When my hair started becoming white, I realized that it is beyond human control. The wrinkles appeared – first on the neck and then near my eyes and forehead and now near my lips. But do I care? Yes. I do for fleeting moments but then after all I am human. I have not declined physically. In fact, I have more energy than most teenagers of these days. I sleep late and get up early. I do not take afternoon naps and I do not consume health supplements. I am bad at keeping exercise routines and I pant when I walk up the staircase. If I squat down for too long, I get cramps but then I know of many teenagers who suffer the same. Therefore have they aged or am I as fit as a youngster?

Someone said “you are patient”. But my family members and close friends think I am impatient. I am patient when it comes to waiting for good things to happen in my life. I am impatient when someone waste precious time and I have to wait with them or for them. My time is not to be manipulated by anyone else except me. When I was younger, I did not know how to while away my time when I have to wait for a bus or sit waiting for my turn at the clinic. I wanted the waiting to be over. But these days, I like sitting and waiting patiently as I am able to utilize that precious time and valuable opportunity to notice aspects of the world that I have never been aware of when I was younger – for example the touch of the material of my blouse caressing my arms, the sound of the clock or the refrigerator, the sound of the wind, the very gentle waving of the tree in the breeze, the sound of the mating lizards in my house, the swishing of the water when my neighbor turns on the tap and more. Each time, the sounds are different as I realized as I aged, the present moment is certainly different from the last and the next. I like the times when I am seated comfortably in a car or taxi that is stuck in a traffic jam. I find precious time to reflect.

I learnt many things from my past – the good, the bad and the ugly. I have learnt that past experiences are for the present and future. I realized dreams and materialize if we work on it and many of my dreams have materialized. I want to live on the present – to now! Therefore I have decided not to talk or think too much of what has or has not happened or what might or might not happen. But then I am not saying that I am not considering the future – the future is my present experiences improved. My past experiences have given me an inner stability and mental clarity to work with greater wisdom and acceptance on my current and future. I no longer worry about how others see me. The spirit of ME in me needs no qualification or recognition. Therefore at 55 year old I have a free mind – not caught up in concern of what others will say about me – my mind is at peace.

I have learnt to forgive those who have upset me. I have matured enough to understand that whatever upset feelings I had is my own creation! I have not deliberately hurt anyone. I forgive acknowledging the fact that given the same circumstances I could have easily made the same kind of mistakes. I am not alone in this wide world and I am thankful that I have a close knit family; great motivating friends and fans. This is enough to nurture me further in life.

I am thankful to the Almighty that I am healthy and alive. I am grateful to everyone who formed the ME. The hard knocks of life and the gentle love of family members and friends shaped me into what I am now - 55 years old lady born Devagi Chandrakasan and now signing of as Devagi Sanmugam!