Before I give something, I will first have to reflect as to what is my relationship with that person is and what kind of gift is suitable, how much of effort I am going to put in and how much I want to spend and what the person likes or dislikes. Or whether I should make the gift or just grab the nearest thing on the shelf of a shop.
I know that we all want to be loved but more than that, as I grow older, I realize that loving is more rewarding than being loved! Only when you love you can enjoy being loved.
Do you how suffocating it feels to be loved when we can’t return the feelings? When we love, we have to give and if giving is one way to feel mindful and loving then the person who enjoy our giving must not be denied the chance of reciprocating. A good friend pointed this out to me when I rejected an offer from her to cut an ingrown toenail.
I contemplated and realized then that I should not feel guilt or fear that the other party may not like doing things for us……… but think the other way – what about thinking what giving can mean to the giver. In order to have a successful and a long relationship with spouses, siblings, friends and colleagues both parties need to feel effective and experience themselves as caring.
I remember reading somewhere that Aristotle said that it is difficult to forgive someone who has done a favor for us. This made sense to me. Just give a thought to it, it may be better to give than to receive, unless one wants to give the joy of giving.
Generally, I think women happily receives a gift and enjoy it but I think men take a present in their hand, wondering what they should give the other person immediately…..I find men have a sense of obligation to the person who give it. But then in movies, story books and history books, you hear and see of kings who received lots of gifts from neighboring countries to bond relationships. Those days, countries were seen as rich when they exchange expensive gifts of gold coins and diamonds. For these kings, I guess receiving presents was more of a status symbol and to prolong relationships.
I love receiving gifts and I love the feeling when I give presents. There is joy in choosing, wrapping, giving and watching how the gift brings happiness to a person. I have friends who reciprocate a gift with a dollar to dollar back gift!!! If they know I have spent $50 on a gift for them, I get a $50 value of gift from them the next time and so it has been going for years!! For me, even if it is a stingy poker who is giving me a gift, I will be happy and grateful to receive it……..after all he had thought of me to give me a gift!!
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